Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween!


I am SO EXCITED to hand out candy tonight to trick-o-treaters! I've never done it before, and only went a few times as a kid. Growing up in Vermont there aren't a lot of neighborhoods. My closest neighbor was miles away. I remember one year dressing up and walking up and down the road leading up to the local ski resort and trick-o-treating at each and every bar along the way. Made a killing, as I recall.
Last night I bought all kinds of decorations and costumes and extra candy. We carved our pumpkin and hung ghosts in the windows. I can't wait for the end of today so I can get home!
Tomorrow night our neighbor is having a Halloween party so I'll get a double dose of spooky fun.

It's great to have stuff to look forward to. I was starting to get pretty down this last week. The med's S is taking make him exhausted by the end of the day. By the time I get home from work, he's snoring on the couch and can't rouse himself until it's time for his meeting. It's been tough not having that time to talk or do anything together. I was feeling very disconnected from him after a few weeks of this. Thankfully, we saw our counselor on Wednesday and even though it was a tough session, we walked out of there with a better understanding. Carving the pumpkin together last night was so much fun, and so much better than watching him nap. The pill doctor had some suggestions as well that will hopefully alleviate his exhaustion.

For myself, I know that I have a hard time talking with S about anything that's not happy because I feel as though he's working so hard on his sobriety. I don't think that he has room on his plate for anything negative from me. But I have to remind myself that I can't read his mind and that he is not necessarily the same person he was when he was drinking, or before he starting attending AA. I also think that I use the blog as an outlet rather than talk to him because the blog doesn't usually cause any emotional conflict. It's much easier to blog about how he's sleeping all the time and nothing's getting done then it is to say to S that I'm feeling emotionally unfulfilled. Plus, I have a hard time accepting that I feel that way. He's doing so much already, how can I possibly still need more? S and I just have to keep practicing and keep working on the communication piece. I still have faith that we'll get there. And I need to find more ways to fulfill my own needs instead of wallowing in disappointment when he can't be there for me. For me, this means staying well away from the TV first of all. And instead doing more reading and writing, praying, horseback riding, and maybe even cooking now that the busy gardening season is winding down.

And tonight, it means dressing up and handing out candy ( my stepdad suggesting having a bowl of assorted, brightly colored condoms to hand out to the high schoolers).

Happy Halloween!
Molls

11 comments:

Kristin H. said...

I'm glad you have a great night to look forward to. You will love it. Halloween is my favorite holiday. I've always lived in urban areas, so trick or treating is pretty big for me.

As for your husband...how much time does he have? If he's in the early stages (first few months) he's going to sleep a lot anyway (pills or no pills.) His body is recovering and trying to repair itself. It will start to sort itself out. Be patient.

Syd said...

I like the condom idea. I used to feel disconnected from my wife during the times when she was drinking. It was as if we had no communication. I'm glad that things are better now. It sounds as if the pumpkin carving was a good thing to do together. Maybe there will be other things that you can both do as a couple.

Molls said...

Thanks Kristen. He'll have 45 days tomorrow. Some days I have more patience than others...

Cat said...

The pumpkin carving can always be alot of fun - and team work practice if ya only have one pumpkin!

Have fun tonight!!

Cat

Gabriella Moonlight said...

It sounds like the pumpkin carving was great and with time things will balance out, it takes time and you'll both find your own center with each other. I hope your halloween is wonderful!
G

cedrorum said...

I think I might piss some neighbors off around here if I handed out condoms to their high schoolers. Although, it is a good idea. One thing I really enjoy about Halloween is taking our boys, 5 and 8, through our neighborhood trick-or-treating. I'm glad they get to experience it like I did as a kid. Have fun tonight.

Shadow said...

condoms... okay, that got you a giggle.... enjoy your halloween.

Lou said...

My husband & I have always had a marriage where we had many interests apart. I have to agree that you need interests of your own. I don't know about your husband, but I'm one of those people who really need "my space".

Loving Recovering said...

Sometimes it's the little things that really matter. I'm glad you had a good night together.

Kathy Lynne said...

You sound really good molls and I can see your growth since your first post...hope that helps. And great for S on 45 dyas. Kristen is right...I basically took naps every afternoon for the first year. Now I did find out I had a Vitamin B12 deficiency which is common in alcoholics and causes fatigue so he may want to have his levels checked.

Hope you had a fun Halloween. Nbpt is great for it.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

Finally getting around to catching up with you. Hope you had a great time handing out candy. We sure had a lot of fun here!