I had a visit from my Mom this weekend. We talked and cooked and gardened and I managed to keep the cigarettes to a minimum for her. We spent a lot of time talking about my older sister, who is so different and so difficult. Of anyone in the family, she would really benefit from therapy. I think she has a lot of body issues and self esteem issues and these make her extremely defensive to the point where normal conversation is nearly impossible on any topic. We've never been close, didn't grow up together and now live on opposites coasts of this country. I think a tight sisterly bond is pretty much impossible.
I also had a good conversation with mom about S, which I haven't done in a long time. I told her about the HBO Addiction series and how it's helped me to better understand his addiction and why "he can't just stop". She was receptive, but I think a little skeptical. Though she didn't say so to me. I think she truly likes S (he's a very easy man to like) and really just wants us to be happy together. Plus, I think she's hankering for more grandkids. I get that from my dad too. But kids? Wow. I don't feel right about bringing a child into our relationship yet. I just hope that some sense of stability comes before I'm too old for wee ones. Thankfully, I have some years. I was just glad to have been able to talk with her about addiction. If S is going to be in my life for years to come, I want my family to be able to understand and support him and me. I don't want this disease to be an elephant in the room at every family occasion.
I guess that's all that's on my mind for now. It's a chilly, drizzly fall day out. I think I'll catch up on blogs, read a book and squeeze in a little work, saving plenty of time for an afternoon nap.
Much love to you all.
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