Friday, November 28, 2008

An uninteresting update

Yesterday we had Thanksgiving dinner at his parents home, just the four of us. After six years, I'm finally learning how to be around his parents without feeling awkward and uncomfortable. I feel secure enough to just be myself and not worry about what they may think of me and my relationship with their son. I relaxed, and laughed, and had a really good time.
In the early years when we were together, I wanted desperately to make a good impression. I wanted them to see me as more than a girlfriend, but as a daughter-in-law. Not because I wanted their love, but because I wanted his. But shortly after we got married, the alcohol problem came out from under the rug. Our constant fighting made family occasions together awkward because I didn't know what or how much his parent knew. I was protective and withdrawn. When we separated, his father came to our apartment to talk to me. My man didn't know about that conversation for many months, maybe years. And I didn't see his parents for a long time after that. Just this year, we've gotten together with them a handful of times. Given our history, the circumstances feel a bit awkward to me. But I don't feel stressed out anymore. I guess I know I tried to do the right thing for myself and for him. I think also the words of the serenity prayer apply perfectly. I'm finding the wisdom, in this situation at least.
I don't think we'll ever be at point where I feel comfortable talking about the trials and tribulations of loving their alcoholic son, but one never knows.
In the meantime, I'm exceedingly grateful for his continued sobriety. I feel close and connected with him. I feel happier and more secure than I can remember and I don't think I could ask for anything more.

Except to talk about our future babies.
But I don't think I'll push my luck. :-)

Happy holidays to all.


Laura said...

Hi Molls,

I'm catching up on your blog and am glad to hear your hubby's working a recovery now. Praying he sticks with it and happy you are finding joy in your days.



I'm so glad your day was a pleasant and happy one.

Relations with in-laws, even the best of them, can be a challenge. We do the best we can "in love".

Future babies, huh? Is this something to pray about? :)

Prayer Girl

Kathy Lynne said...

The update is more than interesting. I'm just catching up on blogs I read myself. Glad you had a good Thanksgiving, that hubby is still sober, that your still going to Alanon...Like Syd, I think of my blog as an online journal. For me, it helps to articulate my thoughts so that it comes out a little more clearer. I am a much better writer than I am a speaker. Check out the Blogging without Obligation link on my sidebar.

Gabriella Moonlight said...

I can understand this post on many levels, being an alcoholic and also having a parent for an alcoholic on holidays...ugh! I am so glad that you felt that it was okay just to be you and not worry what they may or may not be thinking! What a miracle! It's always amazing when we just stay in the now and enjoy!!!

Many hugs,

Addicted Rantings said...

Uninteresting is good. ~AR

cedrorum said...

Glad to hear you are feeling more comfortable with yourself. For me, I always feel better in any situation when I'm secure in myself.

Shadow said...

i'm so glad it was a good day for you. strange thing that, when one stops trying to control, be in charge, force an issue, things tend to work out all by themselves...

Syd said...

I'm catching up and glad to read that all went well. Thanksgiving is a true day of thanks that needs to be spread over the whole year.