Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Blogging

I went through a brief phase recently which may or may not be over, in which I lost the desire to write for this blog and even to read the blogs I've enjoyed following. I can attribute this to a therapy session that questioned my reasons for blogging. The point was made that it is easier to "talk" to the blogosphere than it is to have an actual conversation with my man.

In the first 30 to 40 days of my man's sobriety, I posted very often but communicated very little with him about how I was feeling. In this time period, he thought the relationship was going pretty well and that life was looking pretty rosy in general. So it was a bit of a surprise when I started to actually verbalize my tumultuous emotions in therapy and then also at home (approximately days 40 to 55 of sobriety). There have been lots of tears and late night conversations. But because of this, I'm feeling more comfortable communicating. We're making concerted efforts, almost every day, to check in and catch up. I feel like the relationship is finally starting to turn a corner. I'm blogging less, and talking to him more.
My poor man is a little bewildered, I think, by all this emotion. But it doesn't seem to be scaring him away and he has been open and receptive.

All of this is a bit of an apology and explanation to you, my invisible friends, for a lapse in my involvement in this electronic universe. This blog, and therefore all of you, are many things to me; a diary, a best friend, a rebound lover, a conscience, and mostly, a line to God.

I thank you, for all your voices. I thank God, for a place to write because nothing clarifies my thoughts like written words.

XOXO,
Molls

12 comments:

Cat said...

Molls I can totally understand how and why of the writing things out versus communication - and I remember how hard and confusing the first year of my husbad's sobriety was. Take care of yourself - in whatever means that you need to - write or don't write - just do what needs to be done to get through this stage.

Cat

PRAYER GIRL said...

I respect your honesty. I respect your choices. I, for one, will be happy to read you whenever you blog and when you don't - - - I'll be cheering you on in all your efforts at recovery for yourself, your husband's efforts, and the healing of your relationship.

God is good. XOXO to you too!
Prayer Girl

AlkySeltzer said...

Molls, I, for one (of MANY!) are SO glad you're back. Ay least for today. At least for this moment.

Wanna know how I solved the problem of
communicating at home? (Not everyone can do this of course.) Little by little I would, through the summer just past, show bits and pieces of our blogs to my wife. It whetted her appetite. Then God (through me?) guided her little by little to create her own blog.

Dozens of days she was read to quit it, for one reason or another. BUT- there came that day, she was HOOKED! Praise God!

As A result, she reads mine, and I read and comment on hers, and as of this moment, it is working great.

When I'm writing a blog, I completely forget that she will read it also, which means there could be an embarrassing phrase now and then. Hahaha!!! FOFLMAO

So that's how God took care of the problem, with the help of one old-timer........trick-a-roni

Gabriella Moonlight said...

Wow, how powerful, and how fantastic that you are now communicating more openly with your husband and I think that there are many tools that we use in order to become sane and sober.
Hugs to you from the blogosphere!
G~*

Kristin H. said...

Very insightful. We will be hear to listen.

Lou said...

That's pretty much why we are all here, Molls.

HeatherK. said...

I have to be very careful as well, it seems that once I sit down, think about my emotions, type them down, I am complete. I feel like I have "said" all there is to say on the matter, when in fact I have not "said" anything. I am trying to see the blog as getting my thoughts together and still expressing them to the people who I need to express them to. I hope you find a happy medium.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

The next right thing for you is all you can do, Molls. And it sounds like you're doing it. Big hugs from me to you.

Shadow said...

you are so sweet. and after all, you and hubby are number 1. so protect and look after yourselves first. blog buddies are very understanding about this. just pop a post to let us know you're okay every now and again, just as you've done...

Syd said...

Molls, I enjoy what you have to say and hope that you keep it up. It's like an electronic journal for me.

cedrorum said...

No need to apologize. Like I've told others, this is your blog. Do with it what you like. I don't blog as much as I'd like, or read others blogs as much as I like and that is okay. Your readers will come back whether you post every day or not. Have a great weekend.

mile191 said...

hey, i just came across your blog.

thank you for writing. for giving me hope...in my own healing.

i am here, out here to hear what you need to write.

i am 45 days sober...

headed into the holidays...

take care of you.

i love that you are able to talk.

i tried tonight, and here i am back just trying to vent my pain.

i notice that i definitely feel better when i find others hurting, healing, like me

take care ♥