I went through a brief phase recently which may or may not be over, in which I lost the desire to write for this blog and even to read the blogs I've enjoyed following. I can attribute this to a therapy session that questioned my reasons for blogging. The point was made that it is easier to "talk" to the blogosphere than it is to have an actual conversation with my man.
In the first 30 to 40 days of my man's sobriety, I posted very often but communicated very little with him about how I was feeling. In this time period, he thought the relationship was going pretty well and that life was looking pretty rosy in general. So it was a bit of a surprise when I started to actually verbalize my tumultuous emotions in therapy and then also at home (approximately days 40 to 55 of sobriety). There have been lots of tears and late night conversations. But because of this, I'm feeling more comfortable communicating. We're making concerted efforts, almost every day, to check in and catch up. I feel like the relationship is finally starting to turn a corner. I'm blogging less, and talking to him more.
My poor man is a little bewildered, I think, by all this emotion. But it doesn't seem to be scaring him away and he has been open and receptive.
All of this is a bit of an apology and explanation to you, my invisible friends, for a lapse in my involvement in this electronic universe. This blog, and therefore all of you, are many things to me; a diary, a best friend, a rebound lover, a conscience, and mostly, a line to God.
I thank you, for all your voices. I thank God, for a place to write because nothing clarifies my thoughts like written words.
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