You know, I just can't win in this. I can't seem to get it right and I don't know what to do.
I spent the afternoon with my neighbor who is becoming a good friend to me. We're women and we like to talk and share and sometimes complain about our men. So I've shared some things with her about S and me. But after she left today, S asked me if I showed her this blog. I had and I told him so. I tried to ask him if he was okay with that, what he felt, but he just shut me out entirely saying, "I don't know how I feel so you don't have to sit there and stare at me." Well, what am I supposed to do?
It's just all too much. I can't talk to him about anything, he's not crazy about my blogging, not crazy about me talking to my one and only goddamn friend, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I know the therapist said to wait and be patient but it's fucking hard, you know? I can't believe that he's feeling better when I feel worse.
Why isn't he reaching out to me? Why doesn't he seem to care about how I'm doing, or how we're doing? Does he really think everything is okay?? I just don't believe that. And I don't understand what's happening to us.
So what do I have to be grateful for right now? My health, a roof over my head, my cat, Notre Dame beating Purdue (I hope, it's still the 4th quarter but they're up by 17), a great job...
wow, well that's about all I've got at this moment. It'll have to do.
It's Been a Decade!
4 months ago