Thank you all for your many thoughts and well wishes. I got a little teary eyed yesterday from all the support! Is this what Al-Anon is like, but with "live" people? I've only ever gone to a few Al-Anon meetings and that was when S and I first got married and I started to face the issue. I hate to say it, and please don't be offended, but I found the meetings to be incredibly depressing. They were small groups, in dark rooms and the people were always crying. No wonder I ran screaming from my marriage! I should try again, I suppose. What do you folks like about your meetings, if you go? What other support systems are there? After the past week of feeling so alone in the big bad world, I need to have something to in place to help me when things get to that point again. I don't have a lot of friends. My dearest friend is in Bangladesh. My family is really loving, but...well, I don't think they're equipped to support me in times like these. I've only been blogging about this for a few weeks, but I've found it to be very helpful. If nothing else, I will continue to write.
S and I did try to talk last night, haltingly, carefully. But it was still the beginnings of conversation.
In the darkest times it's so hard to see through to a more positive place. I should try to remember that that is probably how S feels most of the time. Next week is his meeting with the psychologist and I hope that the medications will help. I hope, I hope, I hope. I hope for miracle pills that will turn my man back into the laughing, smiling, happy man he once was. I hope she says the right things to him to get him to AA and to make these steps out of addiction a little easier. Last night he told me that he feels like he has concrete boots on. His suffering breaks my heart.
But I do feel better today. I slept long and well last night. And somehow my back is not troubling me like it was all week. So there is some of the relief I was looking for. Again, I thank you all for your support and kind words.
It's Been a Decade!
3 weeks ago