Saturday, September 6, 2008


Thank you all for your many thoughts and well wishes. I got a little teary eyed yesterday from all the support! Is this what Al-Anon is like, but with "live" people? I've only ever gone to a few Al-Anon meetings and that was when S and I first got married and I started to face the issue. I hate to say it, and please don't be offended, but I found the meetings to be incredibly depressing. They were small groups, in dark rooms and the people were always crying. No wonder I ran screaming from my marriage! I should try again, I suppose. What do you folks like about your meetings, if you go? What other support systems are there? After the past week of feeling so alone in the big bad world, I need to have something to in place to help me when things get to that point again. I don't have a lot of friends. My dearest friend is in Bangladesh. My family is really loving, but...well, I don't think they're equipped to support me in times like these. I've only been blogging about this for a few weeks, but I've found it to be very helpful. If nothing else, I will continue to write.
S and I did try to talk last night, haltingly, carefully. But it was still the beginnings of conversation.
In the darkest times it's so hard to see through to a more positive place. I should try to remember that that is probably how S feels most of the time. Next week is his meeting with the psychologist and I hope that the medications will help. I hope, I hope, I hope. I hope for miracle pills that will turn my man back into the laughing, smiling, happy man he once was. I hope she says the right things to him to get him to AA and to make these steps out of addiction a little easier. Last night he told me that he feels like he has concrete boots on. His suffering breaks my heart.
But I do feel better today. I slept long and well last night. And somehow my back is not troubling me like it was all week. So there is some of the relief I was looking for. Again, I thank you all for your support and kind words.
~ M


Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

I've found it really depends on the group. The real life group I went to most often was kind of depressing, but I needed something so bad at first, that I kept going anyway.

I've been to others that were much more uplifting, but they happened to be at less convenient times and locations for me.

But I really have found so much love and support on the Internet. The blogging community is just amazing.

Mary P Jones (MPJ) said...

And I'm glad you're feeling better. (Um, I clearly need to sleep!)

Shadow said...

hey! glad to hear you're feeling better. i don't go to meetings either, i went to rehab for 3 weeks, and started to blog. that's kept me going pretty well so far. support comes from the most unlikely people and places. if you open up. just make sure you're selective. i'm sure your gut will tell you who that would be. and i admire you standing by your man the way you are, wanting to help, wanting to talk, wanting the happy person back. hubby thought that if only i'd talk to him, i'd stop drinking. yet there was something that stopped me from doing that. pride? shame? avoidance? i'm not sure what. i needed an outside party to help me. once i'd admitted to dependency that is... but without his constant nagging and talking and fighting with me, i'm not sure i'd be where i am today. so don't give up on him! lotsa luck and love!

Kathy Lynne said...

I don't know much about how Alanon meetings go...I'm the alcoholic. But we do have an Alanon member who attends our 7 am AA meeting "What's Good About Today". You could come talk to her. We meet every Mon-Sat at Unity on the River in Ames.